Make This Go on Forever
by VeritaParlata
Summary: Jonathan wants every moment with her to last forever.


Author's Notes: I must be on a Jonathan/Lily high. Two separate stories in one night(though I didn't post this last night). Something about this couple just calls to me. Maybe it's the innocent love they feel for one another. Maybe it's the fact that they're doomed/fated to always be apart by some force. But even that doesn't stop them from loving one another. Even with the age difference, this couple has something. I promise to write a full-length J/L fic... one day. ;) Enjoy!

Make This Go on Forever

Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from _All My Children_.

Premise: Jonathan wants every moment with her to last forever. Story inspired by Snow Patrol's _Make This Go on Forever_.

- - - - - - - - - - -

**i. i **

_**Please don't let this turn into something it's not.  
**__**I can only give you everything I've got.  
**__**I can't be as sorry as you think I should.  
**__**But I still love you more than anyone else could…**_

Lying in his bed, Jonathan Lavery felt like the happiest man alive. He'd just made love to the most incredible woman in the world. The love of his life. Lily Montgomery.

A small contented smile splays across his pink lips in the dark. The moonlight shining through his bedroom windows casts its silvery glow against the skin of his beloved, wrapped tightly in his arms. Her golden hair fanned across his chest and her shoulders; illuminated by the moonlight she looks like a goddess. Like an angel come down from heaven to walk amongst mortal men.

_**The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could.  
**__**The first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything.  
**__**The weight of water, the way you taught me,  
**__**To look past everything I had ever learned.  
**__**The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love…**_

Running his fingers through her hair, feeling her tiny fingers flat against his chest, the soft murmur of her breathing, Jonathan knew he couldn't love her more if he tried. She'd fallen asleep only moments ago, and Jonathan was more than content to watch her sleep all night. To hold her tightly against him is a blessing in itself. His Lily, though utterly exceptional, was autistic and as a result, didn't like to be touched. The fact that he could hold her, let alone make love to her and then sleep with her next to him was a miracle Jonathan never thought he'd experience.

His soulful brown eyes fell blissfully closed and he whispered against the crown of her head, "I love you, Lily."

_**We have got through so much worse than this before.  
**__**What's so different this time that you can't ignore?  
**__**You say it is much more than just my last mistake,  
**__**And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes… **_

Jonathan's eyes instantly fly open and he's met with the darkness of night, but this isn't his room. This is Ava Benton's bedroom. Ava Benton is asleep in his arms. Not his Lily. He hadn't touched Lily or made love to her. It had been Ava. Lily's older half-sister and look-alike.

Jonathan's mouth goes dry as panic sets in. He doesn't move, he doesn't want to disturb Ava, but he's very uncomfortable. He's frightened beyond belief because he felt Lily there… and she isn't.

She never would be because they couldn't be together. Not with his brother Ryan telling him Lily is too young, and Lily's father Jackson afraid Jonathan would hurt her like he's hurt so many women before.

But Jonathan knew the real reason he and Lily would never be together. The reason that solidified the end of their relationship: He'd slept with Ava.

He can remember a few weeks ago when Lily had dropped by to see Ava and found him in her bedroom. This bedroom… after they'd had sex and spent the night together. He can remember seeing the hurt in his former wife's eyes as she tried to logically explain the illogical emotions she was feeling. Lily knew, just as Jonathan did, that he wanted Ava because he could touch her and she could touch him back. The fact that Ava looked just like Lily didn't seem to matter because Ava was normal.

That wasn't true for Jonathan. Though he'd never admit it, the fact that Ava looked like Lily and was normal is the only reason he'd slept with her in the first place. He could easily close his eyes and imagine the fingers she ran down his back to be Lily's. That the pitch of her ecstasy filled voice is how Lily would sound. And when he opened his eyes, he didn't have to be faced with someone who didn't resemble the angelic creation.

If he were to be totally honest with himself, he'd admit that he was only using Ava because he couldn't have Lily.

But then he'd be the monster everyone said he was.

Then he'd be a liar and a user… and Lily would never be able to forgive him for using her sister that way.

_**And I don't know where to look.  
**__**My words just break and melt.  
**__**Please just save me from this darkness.  
**__**Please just save me from this darkness… **_

"Jonathan?" Ava's hand reached up in the darkness and caressed his face. He could see her eyes fill with worry as she stared at him. "Are you okay?"

Staring at her, this girl with the face of his beloved, but not his beloved, Jonathan didn't feel like the happiest man alive anymore. She wasn't his Lily. He didn't love her. But he couldn't resist her as long as she had that face.

"Yeah," he grunted finally. "Just a… dream," he told her. "Go back to sleep."

He kissed the top of her head and held her close, but not as tightly as before.

He closed his eyes and Lily's smiling face came before him.

He didn't fight the dream or the feelings that filled him.

He wanted to make them last forever.

They were all he had now.

_**The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love…**_

**_- End -_**


End file.
